Discworld Series

It's a strange thing about determined seekers-after-wisdom that, no matter where they happen to be, they'll always seek that wisdom which is a long way off. Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.

Disdaining the utterances of their own saffron-clad, praywer-wheel-spinning elders, [young monks] occassionally travel all the way to No. 3 Quirm Street in flat and foggy Ankh-Morpork, to seek wisdom at the feet of Mrs. Marietta Cosmopolite, a seamstress. ... Many a bald young monk returns to his high fastness to meditate on the strange mantra vouchsafed to him, such as "Push off, you!" and "If I see one more of you little orange devils peering in at me he'll feel the edge of my hand, all right?" and "Why are you buggers all coming round here staring at my feet?" They have even developed a special branch of martial arts based on their experiences, where they shout incomprehensibly at one another and then hit their opponent with a broom.

Currently Magrat was finding herself through the Path of The Scorpion, which offered cosmic harmony, inner one-ness and the possibility of knocking an attacker's kidneys out through his ears.

Magrat: "Look, why don't I go by myself?" Granny Weatherwax: "'Cos you ain't experienced at fairy godmothering." Magrat: "Well, nor are you." Granny Weatherwax: "That's true. But the point is ... the point is ... the point is we've not been experienced for a lot longer than you." Nanny Ogg: "We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience."

Magrat: "This sort of thing happens all the time. You know, after a woman's raised a family and so on, she wants to start living her own life." Jason: "Whose life she bin living, then?"

Local people called it the Bear Mountain. This was because it was a bare mountain, not because it had a lot of bears on it. This caused a certain amount of profitable confusion, though; people often strode into the nearest village with heavy duty crossbows, traps and nets and called haughtily for native guides to lead them to the bears. Since everyone locally was making quite a good living out of this, what with the sale of guide books, maps of bear caves, ornamental cuckoo-clocks with bears on them, bear walking-sticks and cakes baked in the shape of a bear, somehow no one had time to go and correct the spelling.

[The waterfall] was the second highest anywhere on the Disc and had been discovered in the Year of the Revolving Crab by the noted explorer Guy de Yoyo [Footnote: Of course, lots of dwarfs, trolls, native people, trappers, hunters, and the merely badly lost had discovered it on an almost daily basis for thousands of years. But they weren't explorers and didn't count.]

"Have you brushed your tooth?"

Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat.

Granny Weatherwax's approach to foreign tongues was to repeat herself loudly and slowly.

But it was miraculous, the dwarf bread. No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. Your boots, for example. Mountains. Raw sheep. Your own foot.

Magrat leaned down and set her face in the idiot grimace generally used by adults who'd love to be good with children and don't stand a dog's chance of ever achieving it.

Nanny: Then I thought maybe I was imaging things. Granny: No point in imaging anything, Things are bad enough as they are.

I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax, said Ms. Gogol Thats good, i don't want you to hurt me either.

Had they [peasants] bothered to learn to read and acquire some history boooks they'd have learned about the uncertain merits of things like scythes and pitch-forks when used in battle agains crossbows and broadswords.

- I don't believe there is a Death of Rats ... - He's standing in front of you. - That's no reason to believe it.

... Leonard of Quirm, skilled artist and certified genius, with a mind that wandered so much it came back with souvenirs.

"Ah, we certainly know what goes into good beer in Ankh-Morpork" The wizards nodded. They certainly did. That's why they were drinking gin and tonic.

Bee There Orr Bee A Rectangular Thyng

THANK YOU, said the grateful Death.

Whoever heard of a serious musician with a glove?

And U band

I NEED YOUR CLOTHES. [...] GIVE ME YOUR COAT.